


She's Ours

by elm27



Series: She's Ours [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:10:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9895925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elm27/pseuds/elm27
Summary: A one-shot looking into the domestic life of Tobin and Christen.





	1. Chapter 1

Christen leaned against the door frame of the bedroom, pushing the door gently open a little more to fully see Tobin lightly rocking back and forth in the glider.  She was immediately rewarded with a brief closed-mouth smile as she was asked when she got home, barely audible as it came across the room.

 

“Five minutes ago, I just needed to go to the bathroom and change first.”  Tobin stood up slowly, padding over to the crib to gently lay her infant daughter down to sleep.  Christen stood up straight and met the two, careful not to make too much noise as she dropped a kiss on Tobin’s shoulder.  She looked down at the peaceful baby, fluttering eyelids and content look closed mouth.  Her little chest moved up and down rapidly, a sign that she was still not fully asleep.  The pair stood over their daughter and watched the breathing slow before Tobin dangerously reached down and traced the soft line down her cheek to her jaw.

 

“I can’t believe she’s ours.” 

 

Christen giggled, “I can’t believe she’s a SHE.”  Tobin couldn’t suppress her own laugh and disbelief, shaking her head.  “I know, I was so convinced it was a boy.”  

 

“Everyone did,” Christen claimed.  “But I guess that’s what you get when you keep it a surprise.”  Tobin peered at her through her long eyelashes, giving her a suspecting look.  “More like a jinx, you were buying boy clothes the whole time.  Don’t think I haven’t seen that pile in the back of our closet.”

 

She couldn’t look her wife in the eye, knowing it was true.  “We’ll just keep them in case for the next one.”   Tobin’s dark eyes went wide, “This one is fresh out! Can we wait a little until we talk about the next one?”  

 

Patting her back side and nuzzling in closer to her wife, Christen reluctantly agreed. 

  
  


_ Flashback _

 

_ “Chris, look! Watch this!”  Tobin was dragging her fingers across the top of her stomach, putting a little pressure on it.  A few seconds later, Christen saw a little trace of movement in the same pattern but from underneath.  It was amazing, a little scary if she was being honest, but completely amazing.  “Well I guess there really is something in there and you just haven’t lost your figure,” she joked.   _

 

_ Tobin rolled her eyes, knowing very well her physique had barely changed despite being over seven month pregnant.  She was all belly, and even that was tiny.  Although they decided to keep it a surprise, she was carrying so low everyone was so sure she was having a boy, per old wives tales and stories. _

 

_ The way she was sitting on the couch, slouched and chin to her chest looked funny to Christen but beautiful at the same time.  “It looks like a ball is just going to drop out of you when you stand up,” she laughed. _

 

_ Tobin’s eyebrows shot up, an unimpressed look casting her face.  “I wouldn’t mind at all if that’s how it happens.”  Not wanting to get into  _ that  _ subject again, Christen changed the topic.  “Do you have any more suggestions for this name list?”  She looked at the very small collection of names kept in a word document on her laptop, unable to pinpoint her own favorite.  For as relaxed and easy going as Tobin was about everything else in life, she’d been very vocal and tough when choosing a name for their unborn child.   _

 

_ “No, I can’t think of any,” she hummed still watching television, not looking over at Christen.  Rolling her eyes at the reply, she started talking to herself, muttering how Tobin didn’t give suggestions but was quick to shoot hers down.  “I can hear you, you know.”   _

 

_ Taking a deep breath, she moved the laptop off of her lap and turned towards her wife.  “We have to pick names, Tobin.  We can’t be lost when this kid comes and not let him have a name for hours.  The last thing I want to do is spend that day arguing over it.”  _

 

_ “Why don’t we just pick a name that could be used for both a boy or a girl that way we won’t have to come up with two?”  It wasn’t a horrible suggestion, one Christen could get on board with given the right options.  “Ok, let’s look at some.”   She picked up her laptop again and found the website that they had been using.  After a few minutes of comfortable silence while they both read through the scrolling list, Tobin’s hand shot out.  “That one.  I really like that one.”   _

 

_ Christen let it roll off her tongue a few times, trying to picture the name on a wavy haired brunette boy (or girl) crawling on the floor and then later going off to school.  “I think I like it,” she admitted, feeling a growing excitement in her stomach.   _

 

_ “Good. It’s settled.”  Tobin rested a hand over her stomach and turned back towards the television.   _

  
  


_ ……. _

 

“I’m exhausted.” Christen propped her feet up on the coffee table, balancing a glass of wine in one hand and a plate in the other.  Tobin had insisted they eat what she’d warmed up at the kitchen island, but she wanted something soft to lean into and watch some mindless television.

 

“Rough day at the office?” Tobin teased as she sipped her water, likely not wanting to do the extra work it required to indulge even in just one glass of wine.  Scowling at the sarcasm behind the question, Christen huffed without an answer.  The “office” Tobin had been referring to was actually a photoshoot where she’d had her hair and makeup done, gussied up for a spread on the nonprofit she was involved in.  While it didn’t involve a ton of work on her end, it’d been a while since she’d left the house for a long stretch of time to do anything besides pick up necessary items.

 

“I was going to offer to get us a slice of that butter cake my mom brought over but just for that you’re on your own.”

 

Tobin pretended to pout, offering up the only trump card she held (and used whenever she got the chance).  “But I had a long day too, you know, sacrificing my time and body for our child.”  Rolling her eyes, Christen swung her legs up over top of her wife’s, tickling them with her toes.  “Poor thing.”

 

Resuming their dinner, they chatted about the details of the day and their plans for the rest of the week.  They’d originally agreed to get back into the normal routine of working on individual projects and life a month after the baby was born, but eight weeks later their focus was still at home.  “I should probably start answering my e-mails, huh?” Tobin questioned after hearing about Christen’s day.  “Maybe set some things up for the next month or two, slowly.”

 

Christen shrugged her shoulders, “do what you want, babe.  If it seems like it’s too much, then don’t.  But whatever you want is okay with me and I’ll make sure everything works out.”  Tobin reached out for her, waiting for glasses and plates to be discarded before coming together to lay down.  Kissing her head while smoothing out the too-teased raven hair that blocked her view of the television, Tobin said “thank you,”.  

 

Before they could start on another conversation that was hanging above their heads, that had to do with where Tobin’s hands were creeping towards, a soft whine came from the baby monitor.  Each woman stilled at the noise, waiting to see if it was a false alarm.  After a few seconds it became a little louder and Christen sighed.  “I’ll get her.”

 

“She might be hungry,” Tobin suggested.  “There’s some pre-made bottles in the fridge.”

 

On her way to the kitchen, Christen looked back and realized for the first time how tired Tobin looked.  “Why don’t you head to bed, babe.  I’m sure it won’t take too long and I’ll come join you.”  She didn’t wait for a response as she swiftly retrieved a still warm bottle from the top shelf and made her way upstairs.  

 

In the dark nursery, she could see the baby girl slow her whimpering when she was spotted.  “Hi sweet girl,” she cooed, carefully lifting and cradling her in her arms.  _  I love that new baby smell, _ she thought as they held close contact.

 

Christen looked down at the baby whose ever-changing eyes stared up into her own.  At first, they were almost a grayish color but after a week or two they turned dark brown and now a light brown.   _ Just like Tobin’s _ she thought.  She really was a mini-Tobin in every sense of the idea.  Her calm and relaxed demeanor was apparent, never really fussing or crying, her wavy brown hair with a little fleck of gold here and there, her strong facial features apparent.   

It didn’t take either girl long to fall into the trance of sleep, Christen almost conking out right there instead of in her own bed.  

  
  


The next morning, Christen was jolted awake, not by anything in particular but just her body’s way of saying ‘good morning’.  She’d slept soundly, unaware of when she even fell into sleep.  Reaching to the right side of the bed, she felt it was empty before she could see anything.  The oversized clock that she’d insisted putting in their bedroom read 7:42 a.m., meaning Tobin had to be with the baby.  

 

Emerging into the morning light of the hallway, all the hallway doors were closed.  She figured Tobin was still in the nursery so she tiptoed down the steps, hoping to start breakfast as a thank you to her wife for letting her sleep in. 

 

She was completely surprised to see Tobin dressed, apparently even showered, flipping waffles and singing to their baby girl in her seat right next to her on the counter.  

 

“Morning, babe!”  While Christen had been the one to ‘sleep in’, it was Tobin who was bright and cheery.  “Hi yourself, what’s all this?”  

 

Flashing her megawatt smile that Christen had fallen immediately in love with, Tobin pointed as she named things.  “This is a baby, these are waffles, that is coffee, that’s a newspaper…”

 

“Shut up,” Christen laughed as she moved closer to both girls, giving both a kiss on the head.  “Thanks for letting me sleep a little.  I didn’t even hear you this morning.  Or her.”  

 

Tobin bobbed her head up and down in acknowledgment while putting the finishing touches on their breakfast.  “She didn’t make a sound.  I went in to check on her after I got a quick shower because I was nervous she wasn’t up yet.”

 

“Did you wake her up?”

 

“No, she was awake, smiling and just being the good girl she is.”  Christen couldn’t hold back her smile.

 

“You know when I pictured my life a few years ago, I saw kids in it.  Three dark haired kids running around with a pair of dogs in our sprawling backyard overlooking the ocean.  Kinda like what I grew up with.  I thought for sure I’d be the one mostly staying home with them, carrying them.”  Her voice was quiet while she stared out the large bay window opposite of the kitchen island.  Eyes were cautiously looking her over while she talked, something sizzling on a pan in the background.  It seemed Tobin was treading lightly and observing a good time to respond.

 

“I’m sorry Chris,” Tobin told her quietly.  “We have a lot of time for that still, we cou-”

 

Christen raised her hand to cut Tobin off.  “Don’t apologize, I didn’t say that to make you feel bad or anything.  What I meant was, that’s how I pictured it, but really, this is so much better. Everything has just been...perfect.”

 

Tobin cocked her head to the side like a confused puppy, waiting on it’s owner to give a direction.  Smiling, Christen assured her, “I love our house.  It’s cozy and the right size.  I love that we can step outside and walk to the beach or a coffee shop in under a minute. It’s mostly quiet with just the three of us.  I love watching you spend so much time with Emerson and caring for her while I get to care for you.  I can’t believe how much she looks and already acts like you.  Never, ever did I imagine I’d get so lucky to get two Tobins.”  There was so much emotion and joy behind the declaration she felt herself start to get choked up.  When she finally met Tobin’s chocolatey eyes, she realized Tobin was too.

 

“Aw, don’t cry.  Come here.”  The pair wrapped their arms around each other softly, full accepting the happiness that was their life today.  A small coo broke their embrace, Tobin’s eyes shooting towards the baby laying on her back, strapped in the bouncer.  “She likes that,”  she whispered into Christen’s ear.  Pulling her closer again and pressing a kiss to her cheek, Tobin heard a second baby noise.  “Yep, she’s definitely yours,” Christen laughed.  

 

“She’s ours.”

  
………..


	2. Chapter 2

“Do you want to go to my parent’s house for dinner tonight?” Christen asked Tobin, looking up to gauge her wife’s reaction after getting a text from her mom, inviting them over.

 

The light brunette was currently standing over the kitchen sink, cleaning out bottles and putting them on the drying rack.  Christen had cleaned the kitchen in its entirety that morning, including mopping the floor and organizing the pantry, but Tobin insisted on helping a little. 

 

“It’d be nice to get out for a little bit if you’re up to it,” she agreed, scrubbing roughly at the last remaining bottle.  She wiped her hands on a kitchen towel and finally looked up with a tired, but genuine smile. 

 

Christen knew Tobin had been up a lot last night with the baby, who seemed to be going through a bit of a growth spurt and was hungry every other hour.  “Why don’t you go take a nap while I play with Emme.  I’ll wake you up so you have time to shower and get ready before we go,” she suggested.  Tobin looked back at her with an unrecognizable look, mostly blank.  “But I never nap,” she stated, her voice softly carrying through the kitchen into the living room. 

 

“I know,” Christen told her, “but you should take some time to lay down and rest.  If you can’t fall asleep at least you’ll have some peace and quiet.”  She watched her wife think it through, ultimately nodding once as though she had settled on a decision.  “Will you come upstairs once she’s ready to take a nap?  Maybe lay with me?” 

 

Although Christen could use the down time herself to get a few things done around the house that had been weighing on her mind, she didn’t want to deny the request.  To her, it was her primary responsibility to make Tobin’s life easier and happier.  “Of course,” she smiled.  “You go, I’ll be up at some point.”   Tobin dropped a light kiss over top of her hair and put one hand on their daughter.  Watching her slowly trudge up the steps towards their bedroom, Christen whispered, “I think you wore mama out, baby girl.”  She was met with a brief, gummy smile from the infant who was squirming in her arms.

 

Christen texted her mom back that they’d be there around 5:30 if all went according to plan.   She got up and rocked the baby back and forth in her arms, dancing and singing lightly to stimulate her.  Through the bay window the sun was shining and it was a warm day for November, about 85 degrees., giving Christen the idea to get outside for a bit.

 

_Christen: We’re going to take a quick walk down the street.  Want anything while we’re out?_

 

While making sure she had the essentials they’d need for their twenty minute or so trip to the bakery on the corner of their block, Christen waited for a reply from Tobin.  Nothing came by the time she was ready to walk out the door, making her hope that meant Tobin had fallen fast asleep.

 

“Ok peanut, here we go.”  Christen kissed the top of Emerson’s head, who was comfortably resting in the wrap close to her chest.  The sunshine felt good on her skin, making her breathe a little deeper and inhale the faint smell of salt radiating from the ocean.  It only lasted for a two minutes before they were inside the small shop that replaced her senses with sweet chocolate and sugar, not that she was complaining. 

 

“Christen, hi!”  The familiar face of Hannah, the owner’s college aged daughter, was behind the counter this Saturday afternoon.

 

“Hi Hannah, nice to see you,” Christen greeted the friendly girl. 

 

“Oh you have the baby! Is she sleeping?”  Pulling down the front of the wrap, Emerson’s little face was exposed, eyes wide open.  “Oh my gosh, she is just so cute,” Hannah gushed. 

 

An elderly woman who was waiting for her order by the counter witnessed the interaction and looked at the baby closely, then back up to Christen, and once again at the baby.  “She is cute!  Does she look like your husband?  I don’t see you in her!”

 

Christen flinched a bit at the question, never really getting used to people making assumptions about her family.  “Actually, she is the spitting image of my wife,” she offered.  The woman’s expression didn’t change much as she nodded up and down, processing what she had just said.  “What can I get you today?” Hannah asked, likely trying to divert any upcoming tension that might build. 

 

“I wanted to see if you had any fresh pies I could take to my parent’s for dinner tonight.”

 

The working girl looked behind her on the shelf, inspecting little tags underneath of them.  “Of course, we have...blueberry, chocolate silk and pumpkin for now.  I can always make you a different one if those aren’t what you want.”   _My mom will want the chocolate silk, Tobin would love the blueberry and pumpkin is my favorite…_ “I’ll take all three!” she heard herself say.

 

Blonde curls bounced around as each of the pies were carefully lifted from the shelf to put into light pink bakery boxes.  “Christen do you need help carrying these?  I don’t know that you can handle all three,” Hannah told her worriedly, eyeing Emerson and the small backpack on her back.  “If we can put two pies in one box, I think I can manage.”

 

Ten minutes later, Christen was walking slowly back down the sidewalk, balancing the two boxes outright so they wouldn’t bump her now sleeping daughter.  Thankfully, she’d left the side door of the house unlocked so she didn’t have to fumble with keys or set anything down. 

 

Once the pies were gently laid on the kitchen counter, Christen went upstairs to the nursery, unloading Emerson into her crib to resume her nap.  Her little eyelids fluttered open for a second, but she didn’t make a peep when she tiptoed out of the room.  “Sleep well, peanut,” she whispered as she shut the door. 

 

Continuing her creep, she opened the door to her own bedroom, a smile gracing her face as she saw wisps of air swirling around thanks to the open window upon the sleeping face of her wife.  It made her warm inside to know her suggestion was probably the right one; Tobin needed some down time to catch up on sleep.  She carefully pulled back the sheet to get underneath, facing Tobin and only inches away from her face.

 

“Hi babe,” Tobin whispered, eyes remaining shut. 

 

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Christen apologized, pushing back the tiny hairs that tickled Tobin’s nose.    “It’s okay, I didn’t want to really sleep anyway,” she heard.  “Roll over, let me hold you.”

 

Christen complied, feeling Tobin scoop her backwards into her chest as soon as she was faced away from her.  She was warm to the touch, feeling every bit as cozy as each day prior to this one.  After a few moments of quiet, Tobin spoke again.  “You’re looking at the picture, aren’t you?”

 

The picture she was referring to was the large framed one from their wedding on her nightstand.  It was her favorite, a candid of the two of them overlooking the ocean and laughing, hair whipping in the wind and looking so carefree.  She studied it often, fondly of course, and especially when she couldn’t sleep.

 

 

_Flashback_

 

_“This list is huge, Christen,” Tobin said with wide eyes and a hint of concern in her voice.  She handed the paper back to Christen who was sitting next to her on an oversized towel on the sand.   They had decided to spend the evening having dinner on the beach to watch the sunset, taking a break from their hectic schedule to discuss some wedding plans._

_“I know.  It just keeps growing because we don’t want to leave anyone out.  I can’t help we’re popular,” Christen joked without cracking a smile.  She saw Tobin stare out into the waves, not amused.  “The venue can hold up to 300 for a ceremony and we’re at about 274 so we don’t need to panic, yet.  And then for dinner we’ll just add another tent and do some long tables instead of round so everyone can fit.”_

_Still, Tobin didn’t say anything but the wheels were surely turning in her head.  Hoping to pull whatever it was she was thinking out, Christen laid her head on Tobin’s bare shoulder, nuzzling her way towards her glistening neck.  “Talk to me,” she whispered._

_“That’s a lot of people.  It all just seems so...big.”_

_“Well, it’s a big day,” Christen acknowledged.  They’d decided a few months ago to keep it small when they started planning but as the excitement grew, so did their invitation list.  They both kept coming up with people who meant something to them and they felt should share in their long-awaited day, which is how the list got to be so big._

_“I don’t think I want to do this,” Tobin said, making Christen jerk her head out and up at her fiancé.   “What?”  The panic was written all over her face, her eyes losing the jewel tone green and changing into a stormier gray._

_Turning, Tobin realized the misconstrued meaning of her words.  “No, no.  I don’t mean I don’t want to get married.  I mean I don’t want this big and elaborate wedding.  It’s too much; it’s not me.”_

_It was true, Christen knew.  She wasn’t even sure that it was “her” either.  But they fell in love with the grand gardens overlooking the ocean back on that October day and started planning a day to go with the space.   “So what, we cancel it?  Or scale it back?” It was a little hard for her to reign in the disappointment in her voice in, but she did her best._

_With a deep sigh, Tobin turned to look her straight in the eye, intent as anything.  “Chris, I don’t want the day we get married to be a huge production or anything that’s going to stress us out.  I think in the long run we might happier if we do something small.  But, if this is what you really want; if this is everything you’ve dreamed of then we will do it.  I will do whatever will make you happy.”_

_Christen’s beating heart could barely take it.  She knew Tobin was right in both regards; they would be happier with something smaller and she’d do whatever made her happiest.   She leaned it, ghosting her lips across Tobin’s, curling them into a smile as she spoke.  “Let’s throw this list away, then.”  After a quick peck, she pulled back to gauge Tobin’s reaction, pleased to see nothing but pearly white teeth._

_…_

“I love that picture.  I don’t think I would have gotten one like that if we had gone through with the big wedding,” she admitted.  “We made the right choice, didn’t we?”

 

“I’d say the best choice, but the competition for that is sleeping a few doors down,” Tobin joked. 

 

Christen giggled in agreement, pulling their interlocked hands closer to her own chest.  A voice breathed onto her neck, “but the best choice we could make today would be for you to join me in the shower.”

 

“Now that would definitely be accurate,” Christen replied with one foot already out of the bed. 

 

 

……..


	3. Chapter 3

“She did it again a second ago, I swear,” Tobin yelled to her from the living room.  Christen abandoned the groceries on the counter, not caring that there was milk and yogurt in the bags as she ran to her wife and daughter. 

 

Kneeling down and putting her hand on Tobin’s leg for support, she gazed at their now almost 6 month old who was trying to pull herself up to sit, with a little help from her mama.  “Come on, peanut, you can do it!”  Christen encouraged, “come on!”

 

They both waited in anticipation, not daring to blink for even a second.  After a while, she felt defeated.  “We’ll try again tomorrow.”  Tobin stroked her hand, still placed on her thigh.  “I’ll help you put away the groceries.”

 

The pair helped each other up and glanced back at their baby who wouldn’t move from her blanket, so they felt safe leaving her for a few minutes.  “What do you want for dinner?” Tobin asked, putting a box of oatmeal in the cabinets.  “I could eat anything so it’s up to you.” 

 

Christen was one step ahead of her, a little plan already in the works.  “I’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”   She saw her wife looking at her expectantly.  “Ok, well, what are you going to make?”  Hangry Tobin rarely came out but when did she, Christen knew to take cover. 

 

“Why don’t you get Emme ready for bed and when you come back down you’ll see.  It won’t take long,” she promised, scooting her wife towards the living room.  “I want to do something for you, so just let me have this.”  She could see the hesitation radiating from Tobin’s body with each step, but eventually won the mini-battle. 

 

Before Tobin took their daughter upstairs, she stopped and waited for Christen’s attention.  “I love you,” she said genuinely, while the baby placed her squirmy hands all over her face.  “Take your time, I’ll be down when in a little bit.”

 

Christen couldn’t find the words to reciprocate, too entranced in the moment of watching the two people she loved the most walk upstairs.  Shaking her head and the smile from her face, she snuck around the corner towards the back door where she strategically placed the to-go bag from a restaurant they liked.  She brought the bags in and pre-heated the oven, pulled out two bottles of wine and all the plates and silverware they’d need.  Trying to work covertly, she was quiet to snap the ends of the fresh flowers she bought and fill up a vase full of water.

 

A half hour later, she hadn’t heard a peep from upstairs, thinking that it could be any moment that Tobin would come back down, ready to eat.  She still needed about ten minutes to get everything on the kitchen island, where they normally ate because it was spacious and overlooked the living room. 

 

After it was all said and done Christen looked at her spread: crabcakes, asparagus, a watercress salad, roasted potatoes and a plate of fresh chocolate chip cookies.  Almost on cue, Tobin cascaded down the steps, her hair re-made into a higher and neat ponytail with a new outfit on.

 

“Chris, you made all this?” Tobin squealed in both wonderment and surprise as she hit the bottom step and looked at the chef. 

 

Christen laughed, “I wish I could take credit, but no.  It’s from the Pierside.  I got it while I was out and re-heated, that’s all.” 

 

Instead of taking a seat in front of the gorgeously arranged spread, Tobin closed the space between them and latched her arms around Christen’s neck.  “I know I say this a lot but I mean it, you’re the best.” 

 

Christen kissed her gently, not wanting to mess up the perfect gloss evenly spread on her lips.  Tobin had made the effort to do something extra and looked so beautiful, even if it was just a quick dash of makeup and simple fix of her hair. 

 

“Ready to eat?”  Christen pulled out her own chair to sit down, patting the one beside hers.

 

“Yes, please.”  Tobin went first, taking more than her fair share onto her plate and wasting no time digging in. With almost a full mouth she mumbled out, “remember the last time we went to the Pierside?”

 

 

Flashback

 

_Christen gazed across table at her wife who was reading the menu intently, a little too close to her face.  She realized that Tobin didn’t have her contacts in and probably couldn’t see that well, making her giggle to herself.  “What are you going to get?” she asked her, without looking up._

_Christen knew the menu by heart by now, so she suggested they split a few things. “How about we get the shellfish platter to split?  And we can get an appetizer, too.”_

_Tobin’s eyes shot up to meet her own, looking hazy and worried.  “No, I don’t think we should get that.”  Thinking the reaction was weird, Christen shook her head and tried again.  “Ok, well then how about oysters as an appetizer and then we can have our own thing as an entrée.  But I do want to get that bottle of wine we had last time, it was so good.”_

_Again, Tobin looked unsure.  She shifted in her seat, “I don’t want the oysters.”_

_This was unusual because Tobin usually loved the seafood here.  “I’ll get them and I’m sure you’ll eat them once they’re in front of you,” she waved her off and went back to reading the menu._

_“No, Christen.  I won’t.”_

_Part of her was feeling a little annoyed that Tobin was making such a big deal out of what they ordered, especially when she knew she ate just about everything.  “Ok, so don’t eat them.  Get whatever you want, then.”_

_“I’m pregnant.”_

_Christen thought she was joking at first.  But looking at Tobin’s face, she could see her waiting to explode one way or another, either out of joy or remorse, based on Christen’s reaction.  A quick calculation in her head brought her to the realization that it was entirely possible, since they’d tried just over 5 weeks ago.  Actually, Christen had tried for seven months herself but wasn’t having any luck.  It started to take a mild emotional toll on her and Tobin suggested they take a break.  As an alternative to that, Christen suggested maybe Tobin try._

_“A-Are you sure,” she cautiously asked, her eyes lighting up at the possibility.  Tobin’s face curled up into a wide smile, tears threatening to spill over the edge of her eyes.  Her head nodded rapidly up and down.  “I took a few tests this morning while you were outside meditating.  All positive.”_

_Christen couldn’t believe it.  On the first try, it worked for Tobin.  She felt excited, a tad jealous and extremely grateful all at the same time.  Her wobbly legs stood up to carry her over across the table to hug her wife tightly.  “I’m so happy,” she cried into the crook of her neck, feeling the moisture run down her face and probably bringing her mascara with it.  When she finally let go, Tobin’s face mirrored her own._

_They couldn’t come down from cloud nine the rest of their dinner, discussing the hypotheticals and possibilities of what the next year would bring for them.  There was a lot to figure out and so much to consider.  When the bill was paid and their leftovers were wrapped and ready to go, Christen tugged at Tobin’s hand across the table.   “Thank you.”_

_Tobin squeezed back but scrunched her eyebrows together.  “You’re welcome, but you’re the the one who paid,” she laughed._

_“That’s not what I’m thanking you for.”_

_Tobin seemed to get it, squeezing again.  “Anything for you, Chris.”_

 

…..

 

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget that night,” Christen told her wife, fondly remembering.

 

“We haven’t been back since then,” Tobin reminded her.  “We should go some time and take Emerson with us.”  Christen agreed, “that would be so nice, babe.” 

 

“And this time, I’m definitely having the oysters.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

Christen wrapped her arms around Tobin’s sweaty back a little harder.  “You smell amazing,” she breathed into the back of her neck, giving her some little goosebumps. 

 

“You’re nuts,” Tobin laughed, pulling on her wrists a little tighter.  “I am so gross.”   She had just come in from a long run, trying to beat her time from the previous day.  Since having the baby, she’d been determined to get to her previous level of fitness and Christen enjoyed watching every moment of it; the way her hair stuck of the sides of her face and how she lifted her shirt to expose glistening abs when she came back inside.

 

Christen spun her around and ran her hands up and down the sides of her hips, bunching her shirt to feel the skin underneath.  Her lips found their way to her neck, lightly sucking a tender spot that put a hitch in Tobin’s breathing.  “Babe,” she groaned.

 

“Yes?”

 

Tobin gave her a gentle shove backward, “not now, baby.  I want to believe me, but I really do need to shower and get ready for tonight.”   Her mom was flying in to stay with them for a long weekend and had offered to watch Emerson while they went out to dinner just the two of them.  It was actually a big deal because despite the offers from family and friends, this was only third time they’d be away from their daughter at the same time. 

 

Christen pouted, “can we postpone this as part of our date tonight after dinner?”   Her wife smiled mischievously, pulling her back in again, “maybe we won’t even make it to dinner. Better put something nice on,” she purred, slapping her backside quickly before moving out of reach.  Christen’s jaw dropped as she saw her saunter away on purpose, up the stairs toward their bedroom.  It took every ounce of her not to follow, knowing she would be stripping down to rinse off.

 

Looking over at her baby girl sitting in her highchair, she shook her head.  “Mama is the one who’s nuts,” she insisted, making silly faces to elicit a small giggle.  She sat down in front of the mini-Tobin, giving her a few bites of rice cereal.

 

Day dreaming in her own little world, Christen thought about what was happening up in that shower, jealous of her absence.  She didn’t even feel the small curling of the corners of her mouth go upward as she thought about the end of their date night.  “Mama is crazy,” she said again.

 

“Ma…ma.” She snapped back to reality, spoon in mid-air while staring at the little girl. 

 

“TOBIN!  TOBS!”  Her voice shrieked through the house in delight, startling both the girl in front of her and woman upstairs. “TOBIIIIIIN.”

 

“What’s wrong?!” Tobin sprinted down the steps, a towel barely covering her, hair sopping wet onto the hardwood floor.  “What happened?”

 

“Emme! She said mama!”  Both eyes adverted back to their daughter who looked blankly between them, waiting to be clued in.  “Say it again peanut, MA-MA,” Christen exaggerated.  Tobin moved slowly towards her, nodding her head in encouragement and moving her own lips.

 

“ma…ma!”  Emerson drew out the syllables, smacking her little lips together.  Both women looked at each other in awe then wildly started clapping and laughing.  Tobin scooped her up out of the chair, spinning her around and barely tossing her into the air.  “Big girl! Chris, how’d you get her to say it?”

 

Christen shook her head, trying to ignore the question and focus only on the achievement.  “Chris?”  Tobin smiled at her expectantly, waiting for a response with the baby on her hip.   Her green eyes looked guiltily into her wife’s honey-colored ones, “she said it after I did.”

 

Tobin shrugged her shoulders, as though her confession had been nothing big. 

 

“I said, your mama is nuts.  Then I said mama is crazy.”  She closed her eyes and scrunched her nose and mouth together, knowing the finger wagging was coming.  “Babe!” Tobin giggled, “Thanks a lot!” 

 

The three of them laughed together for a few minutes more, taking turns ticking the baby and trying to hear that sweet voice a few more times.  Christen was undeniably happy and she could see her wife felt the same.  “This is so much more fun than I thought it would be,” she confessed.  “Maybe a little easier, too.”

 

Tobin laughed at her, “how could you think this little face wouldn’t be fun” she asked while pinching the cheeks snuggled into her. 

 

Christen’s eyebrows shot up, a smirk gracing her face.  “Uh, I think I remember when someone in this room was worried herself.”

 

 

_Flashback_

_“Did you make sure my mom actually got the message?” Tobin asked, watching Christen play with her phone.  She was hooked up to an IV and resting comfortably in her hospital bed.  Contractions started earlier that morning and thanks to her wife’s insisting, they went to the hospital a few hours later._

_“Yeah, she texted me back a little bit ago.  She’s excited and is going to see if she can change her flight by a week.”   Their due date was Labor Day, fittingly, but it seemed their little one had a mind of their own already and was coming two weeks early.  Tobin’s mom was scheduled to come out the week after the due date to help out once the baby was here and spend some time with the new family._

_Tobin took a deep breath and zoned out watching the flatscreen television in the room.  When Christen finally looked up, she saw a trail of tears streaming down her wife’s face.  “Tobs, what’s wrong, babe?”  She immediately rushed off of her chair and to her side, concerned._

_“I can’t do this.”_

_Confused, Christen ran her thumb across the blotchy cheeks to collect the water.  “Do what, babe?”_

_Panic filled Tobin’s voice, unlike anything Christen had ever heard or seen from her.  She was trembling underneath of her touch.  “I – I can’t have this baby.  I’m scared.”  Christen was usually the one to panic and worry, but now the tables had turned and she was quickly realizing she had to be the voice of reason and bravery.  “Tobin,” she started quietly, “You definitely can do this.  We’ve talked about this and prepared for this.  You’re incredible and I have no doubt you’ll rock this. I’m not going anywhere and will be right here the entire time.” She wouldn’t let their eye contact break, silently assuring her each word she said was true._

_“What is something goes wrong, or it’s too much to handle?”  A hiccup interrupted her question, but her voice was less wavering this time._

_“Babies are born every day, perfectly healthy and without any trouble.  If it feels like it’s too much, you tell me.  I’ll do whatever I can to help.”  Christen knew deep down she’d be freaking out a little too, getting ready to have a tiny human exit her own body.  “And when it’s all over, guess what?  We finally get to meet him!”_

_“Or her,” Tobin chided, a small hint of a smile toying at her lips._

_Christen laughed, “oh come on, you know it’s a boy.”  She kissed the top of her wife’s head and smoothed out her hair, stroking it tenderly.  “You’re going to be amazing,” she whispered. “You’re doing an amazing thing for us and I couldn’t be more thankful. “_

_Tobin relaxed a little, letting her head hit the pillow again.  “It’s going to hurt so bad,” she looked to Christen._

_“Probably,” her wife admitted, not wanting to patronize her.  “But you’re no stranger to pain.  You just have to keep thinking there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.”_

_Just then, she saw Tobin wince and shut her eyes tightly and squeeze the sheets in her balled fists.  “I guess it’s going to happen whether I’m ready or not,” she breathed out._

_Laughing, Christen told her, “yeah, ready or not, here he comes.”_

_..._

Tobin pretended to look offended.  “Oh I can’t wait until it’s your turn! You’re gonna freak, too.”  It was one of the most accurate statements she’d ever heard her wife utter. 

 

“You’re right,” she laughed.  “I’m gonna apologize in advance.”

 

Tobin handed their daughter back to her, retying the drooping towel around her body.  “And then I’ll be the one who gets to tell how crazy their mom is.” 


	5. Chapter 5

_….._

“We should probably start packing,” Christen hummed from underneath the arm of her wife, who was lightly tracing her fingers back and forth across her shoulder.  It was early, almost the middle of the night according to Tobin, but they had a 6:30 am flight back to California from Chicago.  They were there for an event for US soccer and despite the conflict rolling around in their heads, they’d decided to leave Emerson with Christen’s parents for the two days. 

 It was their first weekend away from her, but it’d been so jammed pack with meetings and meals that they’d barely had time to sit still and think about it.  She’d called and facetimed on a few occasions, though she wouldn’t characterize it as overbearing. 

 Tobin lifted her arm from the comfy spot around her and repositioned herself on on elbow, looking down.  “I don’t even think I unpacked; we’ve been here less than 48 hours.” 

Christen reached up for a piece of the loose t-shirt she wore, pulling her in for a quick kiss.  “Well, time to head home sweet home.” 

“You’re right.”  Tobin moved again, swinging her legs out of the bed and planting them firmly on the floor before standing and stretching, revealing a glimpse of her tanned lower back for Christen to drool over.  “Do you think we could find anything to grab to eat before we get to the airport?” she asked as she walked over to her suitcase.

 Her own stomach was starting growl, likely since she’d mostly consumed a ‘liquid’ diet last night while out with old friends and acquaintances.  She silently cursed herself for overindulging, mostly because it had put her right to sleep as soon as they got back to their hotel instead of granting them some much desired, uninterrupted alone time for once. 

“There’s gotta be a 24 hour something around.  Maybe on the way to the airport?”  Tobin suggested, folding her clothes on the ground.  She took out a fresh shirt and picked up a pair of jeans to put on to travel in, moving effortlessly through the darkness.  Pre-Emerson, Tobin would sleep forever if you let her.  Now, her internal alarm clock was amazingly precise and she had no trouble waking up before the sun.  Christen envied her a little, still relying on a strong pot of coffee or tea herself in order to make things happen. 

 “I wish we could have breakfast in bed,” she sadly offered.  “But our bedroom would be better for that because the…..”

_Flashback_

_“…view is incredible.  Look, if we put the bed right here, we have a clear shot out the window of the ocean.  I can already picture it,” Christen gushed with her eyes closed and hands waving in front of her.  Tobin quietly walked around the perimeter of the room, taking in all the features they’d admired.  This was the third house they’d visited that day, all potential frontrunners in their search.  There was something though, to Christen at least, that screamed this was it._

_The house was a light blue-gray, two story beach house on the corner at the end of the block.  It had a tiny little ‘yard’ or grassy area with a perfect little patio and stereotypical white picket fence around it.  Inside, the house was open and breezy, pained in neutral and light blue colors with updated appliances and shiny floors.  It wasn’t huge, only three bedrooms and they’d have to park on the street, but it was perfect._

_The bedroom they stood in would certainly be theirs, with an attached walk in closet and beautiful white and gray bathroom, shiny and new.  Being in there made her feel lighter somehow; calm and serene.  The other two rooms that were in the hallway before theirs could be potential guests rooms or possibly a baby’s room if they were lucky._

_Her favorite part was the massive bay window that spread across the kitchen and spilled slightly into the living room.  They view itself wasn’t that great, the house and little side garden next to theirs, but it let in so much natural light that made everything shine._

_Tobin had been the one to pick it out of the potential listings their realtor sent them, suggesting it would be a great place to start since it was just the two of them.  They didn’t need a ton of space and could walk almost anywhere they needed.  She had been looking at more estate-type of homes herself, dreaming of a massive backyard and neighbors that were friendly but not too close in proximity.  If she was going to buy a house, she rationalized, it mine as well be one that she could stay in forever.  Wanting to seem like she was at least compromising, she agreed and never expected to fall as in love as she did._

_She waited for Tobin to give her some thoughts, knowing it took the woman a little longer to express herself.  When she finally did, they were on the same page.  “I love it, Chris.  I think I want this to be ‘it’.” Her face was hopeful as they walked slowly towards each other.  “I think it is,” Christen said confidently, earning a massive smile and embrace to match._

_“How does it look price-wise?” Tobin cautiously asked once they separated.  Christen wasn’t concerned though, they’d looked at houses much more expensive than this and knew even then they’d be more than okay.  Her wife on the other hand, wasn’t a frivolous spender and rarely like to splurge on anything._

_She nodded, “comfortable, for sure.  We can always ask what the realtor thinks about an offer but even if it’s full price, we’re more than good.”_

_Their hands interlocked as they walked back downstairs where the realtor was on her phone, giving them a signal she’d be just a few more minutes.  “Look at this kitchen too, I could do some serious cooking here,” Christen whispered._

_“And then bring it up to bed.  Breakfast in bed every morning,” Tobin smirked, knowing she wasn’t one for the kitchen but could appreciate the ocean view and a comfy place to sleep._

_“We’ll see about that,” Christen laughed.  “But I can’t argue that it sounds so good.”  She nuzzled into the crook of Tobin’s neck, leaving a gentle kiss to mark the occasion before hearing a throat clear from across the room._

_“What do we think ladies?” the woman asked delightfully._

_Tobin looked at Christen quickly for confirmation before telling her, “we want it.  Let’s put together an offer.”_

_…_

Christen recounted the way they’d quickly learned their offer had been accepted and it’d be a quick closing process, all while assuming Tobin was listening to her take a trip down memory lane.  “I don’t think I could have dreamed a better house for us, right?”

 Tobin kept reading on her phone then tapped it a few times.  “Tobs, you like the house, right?” she tried again.

 There was still no response, igniting a bit of frustration on Christen’s end.  “Hello, did you hear me?”

Tobin put her phone down on the nightstand and crawled back into bed, giving her full attention back to her.  Christen looked at her dumbfounded, waiting for her to acknowledge that she’d ignored her for a few minutes straight.

 “What?” she smiled brightly, sensing that there was some tension coming from her wife.

 “I was talking to you then asked like three questions and you ignored them all!” her voice was exasperated, not realizing what was so important on Tobin’s phone that caused the distraction. “What are you doing?” she followed up with, seeing Tobin fumble with the button and zipper of her jeans, sliding them down her legs.

 “You said you wanted breakfast in bed.  I changed our flight to later tonight so we have some time, just for us.”   

Confused but mostly surprised, Christen sputtered out questions about how and why she did that.  “But Emme –“

 Tobin wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close enough to hear her beating heart.  “Emme can wait a few hours longer.  Your parents will have no problem with her; they love being with her.  We need to make sure we have time for just us, too.” 

 She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t thrilled to get some down time without the threat of having to rush or be on a baby’s schedule.  Her lips attached to Tobin’s, thanking her without words for being so considerate and thoughtful.  “So breakfast in bed?” she asked.  “Wanna go all out and order almost everything?”

 Her wife giggled, rubbing her nose along her jaw.  “Breakfast in bed, definitely.  But first…”  her mouth started the downward path along her neck, her collarbone and eventually nipped at her navel.  “…I have other plans I want to let you in on.”


	6. Chapter 6

Tobin moved her legs a little farther apart to accommodate the baby sitting between them, resting into her chest as they sat on the floor and played.  She was waiting for Christen to come downstairs after getting ready for their Saturday full of errands and hopefully lunch somewhere if all went smoothly.

 Mindlessly singing along with the toy Emerson had in her hands, Tobin watched her move down the stairs, putting an earring in by her pushed back, straightened raven hair.  Her skin glowed, likely from the fresh shower and lotion she loved the scent of, under an all white outfit that made Tobin’s mouth water.  She looked way too good to be going to places like the pharmacy and bank.

 “You guys ready to go?” Christen asked as she grabbed her purse off of the sofa behind her two favorite girls.  Tobin had yet to pick her jaw up off of floor, but nodded in agreement.  She scooped up the baby and handed her off so she could grab her keys and jacket before heading out.  All the while, she couldn’t keep her eyes off her wife who looked like a gorgeous goddess radiating with light around her.

 Tobin settled into the driver’s seat of her SUV, waiting for Christen to finish strapping Emme in the carseat.  As soon as she took her place, she pulled out into the street and navigated her way towards the bank, their first stop since Christen had some documents she wanted to put in their safety deposit box.  She still couldn’t find the words to speak to her better half, stealing little glances to her right while Christen tapped away at her phone, hair blowing in the breeze from her opened window.  She admired the mixture of soft and chiseled features that made up her beautiful face, especially her long eyelashes that graced the piercing eyes she was lucky enough to look in every day. 

 Their stop at the bank was quick, harmless.  Once they were in the pharmacy to grab a couple things for the baby and refill a prescription, Tobin felt like she was coming down from cloud nine and back in her own body again.  She watched her wife cradle their daughter on her hip while inspecting a label on the back of a box.  It almost looked funny, like Christen didn’t belong there doing something so domestic.  She could have easily walked straight off a runway or out of a magazine, but Tobin knew; it was perfect.

“You rarely wear white,” Tobin hummed into her ear as she approached from behind, settling her hands on either side of her hips.  “I really like it on you, you should wear it more.”  Christen smiled from in front of her and leaned into the soft grasp of Tobin.  “I’m always afraid I’ll spill something on me!” she laughed.  “But you look good in white, too.”  She turned to give her wife a meaningful look, a memory of when they both wore white coming to the surface of her thoughts.

 …

_Flashback_

_Christen sat anxiously, running her fingertips across her freshly manicured nails.  The woman behind her worked through her thick hair, curling it and pushing the flyaways down.  She could see Tobin’s reflection in the mirror behind her, calmly reading with her feet propped up on the coffee table of their suite.  It had been her choice to go first, so she sat with her hair in loose curls past her shoulders, swept half back.  Her cheeks were a rosy pink, bringing out the smooth complexion and soft brown eyes she had memorized over the years._

_She looked as beautiful as Christen had imagined she would._

_They had decided since it wasn’t a big wedding, just a handful of immediate and close family, they’d spend the day together and enjoy the intimacy.  In the moment, Christen was so happy they’d chose this route, opting to make it small.  The plan was to get married on a secluded part of a New Jersey beach with approximately 30 of their family members and then have dinner in a private room at a restaurant.  It would be relaxed, meaningful and absolutely perfect, she thought._

_Christen was secretly looking forward to the second part of their plan, a big party back in California to celebrate the marriage with all their friends and family without the pressure of a flawless ceremony or formal dinner._

_“Are you going to get dressed soon?” she asked the distracted brunette.  Tobin looked up and met her eyes in the mirror, giving her a once over before a soft smile slid across her lips.  “You look nice,” she said, ignoring the question._

_“Thanks,” Christen dropped her gaze to look at her hands, still fidgeting.  Why she felt so shy and nervous was beyond her.  It wasn’t like she hadn’t imagined, hoped for or counted down towards this day for a long time.  “I’m gonna step out, babe.  I’ll let you finish up and then get your dress on and meet you when it’s time.”  Tobin stood up and came over to press a light kiss on her cheek.   “I can’t wait,” she whispered, ticking her ear and sending goosebumps up and down her arms.  Christen watched her retreat from the suite, figuring she was going to be with her sisters and mom for a little bit._

_A half hour later, she was with her own family, carefully pulling the form fitting, open back dress over her tiny body without messing up her makeup or hair. Her mom’s eyes were lined with tears, threatening to spill over at any moment. “You look so beautiful Christen, I can’t wait to see Tobin’s reaction.”  It was something she was looking forward to, too.  But mostly, she was excited to see how Tobin looked.  While she had daydreamed of how beautiful Tobin would look, she couldn’t visualize the type of dress she’d wear.  She tried to describe it once she came back from shopping with her family, but Christen cut her off immediately not wanting to spoil the fun._

_A soft knock on the door came and it was so familiar to her.  It had to be Tobin, who had the same knocking pattern every time she needed to interrupt Christen from something or enter a room.  Her sister went to open the door, an audible gasp in the background.  “Tobin!”_

_"_ _Mom, can you give us a minute?” Christen whispered, hoping they could have this moment alone.  Her crew shuffled out, leaving her standing in front of the mirror still, flattening the fabric over her stomach.   “Chris?” she heard softly from somewhere behind her._

_She turned around to see her breath taking fiancé standing in barely floor length flowy, simple dress with thin straps keeping it upright. It hugged all the right places and let out exactly where it needed to.   Her hair brushed against her tanned chest and a delicate bracelet adorned her tiny wrist.  Tobin’s made up eyes were shut tightly and she held two champagne glasses in her hands.  “You look incredible,” she whispered._

_Tobin smiled, taking a blind step forward.  “Are you ready?  Can I look yet?”    Instead of answering her, Christen walked straight in front of her and pushed her hands holding the flutes down.  The skin to skin contact was overwhelming as she gave herself a few seconds to drink in the sight before her.  Without asking again, Tobin’s long eyelashes shot up and widened, scanning her from head to toe.  “Oh my God, Chris,” she barely got out.  Christen turned around to show off her favorite part of the dress which drew a slight moan from the lips behind her.  “Oh my God,” she heard again._

_"Like what you see?” she teased, appreciating the response she received.  Tobin couldn’t say anything, only nodded rapidly and almost spilling the champagne in her hands.  Christen took one from her, clinking the glasses together.  “Cheers, babe.  Happy wedding day.”_

_“Love you.”  Tobin took a long, delicate drink as to not mess up her makeup, keeping their eyes connected the entire time.  “You happy?” Tobin asked her softly, already giving away her own response from the grin plastered to her face._

_“So happy,” she emphasized through her voice.  “Aren’t you going to drink that?”  Christen stared down at the thoughtful gesture but felt really hesitant. “I’m afraid I’m going to spill it all over my dress.  That’s what I don’t wear white.”_

_Tobin inched a bit closer, “just a small one.  If you don’t, it might be bad luck,” she suggested with a warning tone.  “I’ve got you, don’t worry.”_

_Christen trusted her, knowing even if she did spill, Tobin would fix the problem somehow or someway.  Her pink lips engulfed the glass and a tiny bit of sparkling bubbles hit her throat, cooling and calming her entire body.  “See, no spilling.”  Tobin reached to pull the glass from her hands and put them somewhere behind her. “Let’s do this,” she grasped her hand, weaving their fingers together.  Christen squeezed back and repeated, “let’s do it.”_

 …

Christen giggled as Tobin would barely keep her hands off her in the checkout line and on the way to the car.  “I’m holding our child you know,” trying to sound like she was coming off as conservative when in reality she loved every second of it.  Tobin stood beside her as she buckled Emerson in her car seat quietly, noticing how she was drifting in and out of consciousness.

As soon as the door was shut, Christen spun around to have Tobin pinning her against the car, arms circling low on her hips.  Her nose inhaled the scent of her below her ear before her mouth gently nipped on her neck.  “Babe…”  Christen breathed out, fully wanting everything her wife was giving her, just not in a CVS parking lot.

 Tobin found her mouth and dove into a deep kiss, making out like teenagers do.  When she finally pulled away, her eyes were stormy and filled with lust.  “Can we skip the to-do list and forget about having dinner out?” she asked.  Christen smirked, thinking it was the perfect suggestion, “I’m too afraid I’d spill on my white outfit anyway.” 

 Tobin laughed and nuzzled her neck.  “Then let’s get you out of it.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Clap your hands for her, Tobin.  See if she’ll come to you instead.”  Christen held Emerson up for a little bit of balance, trying to get her to do it independently and take a step or two.  They had laid her favorite items and toys on the ground just two or three feet away as motivation, but the smiley girl just wanted the attention from her mothers.  Tobin listened to her wife’s suggestion and clapped her hands while trying to keep eye contact with her daughter.  “Come here, cutie!” 

 No sooner did Christen let go of her, she fell to the carpeted floor and let out the sweetest squeal.  Instead, she crawled over to Tobin and pulled herself up, looking at her like she’d just achieved something.  Tobin lifted her up, slightly above her head and shook her gently, all in play.  “I don’t know, Chris” she said as the baby toyed with her hair while sitting in her lap, “maybe we shouldn’t be encouraging her to walk yet.  It’ll all be over when she can get into things easier.”

 “No, she’s a good girl,” Christen claimed, stroking the feathery soft hair.  “I look at her compared to a lot of our friends and family and think how lucky we are.  We’ve had it so easy, don’t you think?” 

 Tobin couldn’t really argue.  She loved all her of her real and ‘adopted’ nieces and nephews and they were wonderful, but she’d never seen a baby like her own.  Her temperament was so relaxed and sweet, never fussing, never a handful.  In the back of Tobin’s mind, she wondered if because Emerson was good, they’d be in for it with a second baby.  Hypothetically, they’d discussed having more than one but it hadn’t really come up in a serious context since Emerson was born.

“Maybe this is a reward for what’s going to come,” she heard Christen say softly, easing into the topic.  She knew right away where this conversation was headed.  “Maybe.  But Emerson is easy to handle and she’ll probably be a big help, right?”

Christen raised her eyebrows, “help?  She’s not even one yet.“  Tobin cocked her head the side, trying to read the thoughts of her wife.  “Chris are you telling me you’d like another one soon?”    

“We can do it,” Christen sat up on her knees, “Emerson is literally the perfect child.  It took a long time last time and I don’t want to miss the window of opportunity.  We can handle it for sure, two will be easy.” 

Tobin chuckled at her wife’s insistence of ‘easy’.  “Is this the same woman who wasn’t sure she could handle one!?”  Christen swatted at her arm, “shut up, that was on our first day home with her and I was nervous! It’s been smooth sailing since then, right?”

_…._

_Tobin sat the carrier on the kitchen island, careful not to disturb her sleeping infant.  Their house seemed different now, decorated with all the things they were told they’d need to accommodate a new baby.  “I’m going to call the pediatrician now and set up an appointment,” Christen told her, holding up the business card.  She nodded, sitting down on a stool and taking a sip of the glass of water Christen had hurried to get her._

_She tracked her every moment, tidying up the little things in her path, efficiently making the appointment and then opening the refrigerator.  “I’m going to preheat the oven for the lasagna and then start some laundry we never got to finish.  After that I’ll take inventory of what groceries we still need and then ask my mom to pick them up on her way over tomorrow….” Christen went on for another two minutes, running through her to-do list.  Yes, she knew her wife was the organized one between the two of them but right now it was almost general-like._

_“Chris,” she finally interrupted.  “Why don’t you do the first two or three things then let’s just relax.  Let’s hang out and if she’s sleeping, she can lay with us on the couch.”_

_Christen turned around, hesitant and not willing to commit to the suggestion.  The infant squirmed in her seat, meaning she was probably waking up for a feeding.  “Here, why don’t you feed her and then she’ll fall asleep on you,” Tobin told her while removing her from the carrier._

_"_ _What’s wrong Christen?”  Tobin asked, watching her wife tense up before she was going to transfer the baby to her arms.  Christen’s eyes lowered to the ground and she remained silent.  Tobin took this as a warning signal and reached out her hand to make contact with her.  “What’s wrong,” she repeated._

_Christen’s eyes looked at her in slight terror; something was seriously not okay with her.  “I’ve never really held a newborn before. I’ve played and held babies, but not this little.”  Tobin almost wanted to laugh at her, but kept the act of concern on.  “Babe, she’s three days old and you’ve already  held her for hours.  You’re doing great.”_

_“But we were in a hospital, with like doctors and nurses and my parents.  We’re alone now and if anything happens…she’s so tiny.  I’m better at doing the other things, like shopping and prepping stuff…like making sure she has everything she needs, or that you need…” her voice trailed on and off in worry and a hint of sadness._

_Tobin rubbed her arm lightly, trying to bring comfort to her.  “Chris, we’re going to make mistakes and we’re not always going to know exactly what she wants or what we should do but I swear it’ll all be okay.”_

_Only a small layer of hesitation was peeled back.  “How do people do this? There’s so much to do and she needs attention all the time.  How do people have TWO?” her eyes got wider at the realization of multiples._

_She could have put the baby down or said something to help her overcome this fear.  Instead, Tobin put the flight or fight response to test almost too quickly and placed the baby in Christen’s unsuspecting hold.  Immediately, the woman clutched and attempted to soothe the surprised girl in her arms.  She shifted her weight from one foot to another, looking like a natural and completely locked in the moment._

_Tobin took a step back, then another, leaving her wife and daughter to have a few minutes to themselves.  She knew it was important for Christen to feel confident on her own, as well as Emerson.  It was funny though, Christen never looked back up at Tobin._

_She pushed the limits of how long she could leave them alone without being needed.  Not that she wasn’t completely in love with their new family; it was just nice get some time to breathe after the whirlwind they’d had this week.  It didn’t surprise her that Christen was this cautious and worried about how she’d do with the infant but Tobin had no doubts she’d be wonderful and the best possible partner to do this with._

_She brushed her teeth and went over to her bed to lay down for a moment, completely exhausted before noon.  It must have hit her hard because the next thing she knew, she was startled out of her sleep by a soft cry.  Her eyes adjusted to the light and surroundings, seeing Christen standing up from sitting cross legged on the floor, folding laundry and their baby in a bassinet beside the bed._

_“Hey,” her gorgeous wife greeted her while taking the baby into her arms.  “do you want me to take her downstairs so you can sleep a little longer?”  Tobin shook her head, gesturing for them to join her instead.  “Everything going okay?” she asked in a whisper, careful not to disturb the baby any further._

_“Everything’s great.  I got a load of laundry done, changed her, started dinner for tonight. I think she’ll be hungry in a few minutes since you’ve been out for a few hours, but otherwise everything’s perfect.”   Tobin propped herself up on her elbow overtop of Emerson on the bed and stroked her cheek.  Christen laid her own hand on top of Tobin’s head and gently told her, “I’m sorry I was scared. You probably think I’m the worst mother.”_

_Tobin smiled up at her, melting the insecurities away.  “I get it, no worries.  I know we’ve talked about it for a long time but now it’s real and a little overwhelming.  You’re doing great.” She put leaned in to the touch and said, “look how content she is.  You’re already the best mom.”_

_Christen smiled and looked down at her girls.  “It’s actually been pretty easy.”_

_…_

_“You’re right,” Tobin laughed.  “We’ve made it without any bumps in the road.”  Christen laced her fingers through one of Tobin’s strong hands.  “See?  We make a good team.  We could totally handle another one.”  She looked longingly at their daughter who was giggling to herself and clapping._

_“We’ll have to master man to man coverage if we do this now,” Tobin acknowledged, feeling like the decision had just been made.  Christen leaned her forehead against the side of Tobin’s, placing a gentle kiss to her cheek.  “So we’re going to do this?”_

_“I think we are.  But this time can we find out the sex?”  Christen cocked her head to the side, amused by the question.  “I guess, why?”_

_Tobin tried to keep a serious face.  “Well if that one’s like me, then the next one will be like you.  I’m gonna need to be a little more prepared and organized to handle two Christens.”_

_Her wife shoved her playfully, “ ok maybe it won't be that easy.”_

_"No," Tobin looked at her adoringly, "but it'll still be perfect."_

_…._


End file.
